you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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