My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
