if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
