I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
