i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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