If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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