I need to stop coming to work sober
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
