thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
