somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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