This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
