why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
