Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
