And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
