Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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