All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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