I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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