pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
