its not stalking. its research.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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