oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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