When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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