I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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