I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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