i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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