Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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