Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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