Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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