my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
