she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
