We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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