My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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