I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
