I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
