I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
