So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
