Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
