and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
