just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
