yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
