I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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