So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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