some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
