So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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