we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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