We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
