I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
