goodnight i made you a song goodbye
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
