And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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