he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
