i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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