im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
