Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
