weddingsv make me drug and hornr
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
