a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
