I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
