im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
