My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
