giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
