i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
