He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
