Operation Purity has been aborted
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
