I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize