I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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