I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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