a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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