I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
