Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
